I'm Glad I'm Not Young

The latest game in the Halo franchise came out yesterday. A young coworker of mine went out on his lunch and bought it because his pre-order copy hadn't showed up yet.

While I think that's fine, it does make me grateful I'm not young. Young people are stupid people. (Many old people are stupid people, too, but I think the ratio of young people to stupid people is nearly 1:1.) To paraphrase Zaphod Beeblebrox IV, "youth is wasted on the young."

Had I moved out here alone a few years ago, with no wife to look forward to, with no friends out here, I'd have made a beeline for alcoholism, all the while playing video games and getting skinnier and paler and weirder.

It's all about self-control, really.

So here's me after some big number of consecutive days at the gym with only one day off. I don't know the actual numbers. They blur together.

Toning this took quite a bit of doing, I'll have you know. The iPhone camera plus my coloring, plus the weird color of the lockers plus the crap lighting in the YMCA locker room all conspired to make this as pale and weird a shot as possible.

It's just about time for some smaller pants. Oh, I meet with a personal trainer today. I want to learn the intricacies of the weight machines a little better, try to get the most out of them. Also need to be working on my abs. I want to look like Brad Pitt when Cassandra and Jaylyn get here. I tell people my workout is based on being able to pick up Jaylyn and run like hell when the zombies come, but the real truth is that Jaylyn's getting into sports. I don't want to ever be an old fat dad who can't keep up with the teenagers. On class hikes and stuff, I don't want to be puffing along at the back. I want to be leading it with my beautiful, healthy daughter, who's not embarrassed by me. A tall order, I know, but you gotta have a goal.

And that, more than anything else, is the difference between me and this fictitious "youth" of which I speak: I've got this goal of being Super Dad, of inspiring lust and passion in my wife, and I'm using the intervening time to be sure it happens. As a kid, my goal would have been... I don't know. Assuming I'd have had the intelligence to have a goal at all, I'm sure it would have been "BEER!!!" 


Thanks for reading, all you adults. Kids can eff off, by the way. ;)